


Kankri: Be Difficult

by b4rd-of-l1f3 (knight0fd00m)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Beforus, Culling, In which Kankri has to swallow his pride and let people help him, Isolation, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, Unrequited Crush, while pitching a fit about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 09:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4430342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knight0fd00m/pseuds/b4rd-of-l1f3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you insinuating that I am incapable of taking care of myself? I hope you realize that I am fully capable of maintaining myself without someone coddling m-”<br/>“Kankri, when was the last time you ate anything? Or put a brush through your hair? I am not trying to cull you I promise I’m just trying to be a friend.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kankri: Be Difficult

I had escaped from my handlers about half a sweep ago, and they hadn’t found me since. I had found an abandoned hive near a river and not too far from the sea, and had been living in seclusion here ever since.

The only people who knew in a general sense where I was were my friends, and most of them lived too far away from me that I had no need to worry of them betraying me. The only ones who actually knew where I was for certain were Cronus, Meulin, Mituna, and Porrim. The only reason being that they could get resources for me that I couldn’t. It took only two perigees for them to convince me to allow them to do that, most of the convincing having to do with my current situation. I still find this unfortunate.

This hive didn’t have much electricity to go on because it was powered by generators that Mituna brought for me, so to conserve energy I did most of my reading and writing by candlelight, as cliche as that sounds. Porrim brought me clothes occasionally and tried to make sure my hive was in order before I kicked her out because I left my handlers to get _away_ from being culled. She returned regardless with clothing that was clean and had not been washed in the river. There was an ablution block here of course, but ablution traps were not made for laundry.

She also brought this ridiculous sweater at one point a few perigees ago, claiming that I looked cold every time she came over. I wasn’t most of the time, but I couldn’t get her to take it back either.

Meulin and Cronus came by to bring food that wasn’t salted, dried, and/or preserved. There was an electric stove in this hive so I could cook as long as I had a generator that worked and had a hunger trunk as well to store things without it spoiling. The generators that Mituna was able to get me weren’t the best quality considering the low amount of spare caegars he had, but they were something. In any case, Meulin and Cronus brought by different meats and seafood along with various plants that I could eat.

I will reiterate, it took quite a long time for me to allow them to do this at all. I was perfectly fine living off the small rations I was getting and with the small amount of supplies I had. I had a small mobile device to stay in contact with the people I knew as well, but it was a different one than the one I had before and I had to spend a fair share of coinage just to keep it in service every perigee.  Unfortunately, by this time I was running out of the money I had managed to stash away before my abscond and was going to be running out of food and supplies very quickly.

The only reason why any of my friends knew I had left at all was because of the fact I had changed my Trollian handle and told them very specifically not to tell it to my handlers if they were to ask if they had heard from me. I also had to change my text color from bright red to an anonymous grey just in case.

I had planned to find a simple job in order to continue to have any sort of income to keep myself alive, which I knew for a fact would be a task I would be able to complete, but it has turned out to be much more difficult than I had thought. Trying to stay in seclusion to avoid recapture while finding work is no easy task.

After about a half of a perigee, while talking to Porrim at length about workplace discrimination and caste limiting workplaces when she started to question my progress in finding work. My attempts to deter the conversation back to what truly matters failed and she managed to pry out of me the fact that I had found none due to my refusal to give potential employers information in regard of my hemotype.

She informed me that my handlers had put out a search warrant for me within the last few nights and that I would have to lay low for longer than I had anticipated. After another conversation about injustice that is culling others, she suggested that she brought me some things to help me stay stocked.

The answer was no of course, but that didn’t stop her from pushing it again and again. Over the course of a perigee she managed to recruit Meulin, Mituna, and somehow Cronus into trying to convince me to let them help. I still consider what they are doing to be inappropriate and way too close to outright culling to my liking, but what got me to agree was the realization that I was almost out of supplies completely.

Cronus, who lives closest to my location, came first with some necessary supplies and some seafood he snagged on his way here in his sylladex. An hour or so after he arrived Mituna came by with a generator so I could actually use the appliances in the hive itself. He lived farther out, but distance means basically nothing for a psionic of his caliber.

He was also on his way back to his hive to make sure his lusus was okay, so he didn’t stay any longer than the time it took for him to set up the generator in a secluded area outside the hive. Cronus, however, stayed a little longer despite me continuously telling him that while his help was appreciated he was no longer needed here. He insisted that he would keep me company at least for awhile, seeing as it had been awhile since I actually saw any one of my friends let alone spent time with one.

Meulin came in the next night with some more food and a lot of fresh water. She rolled her eyes when she noticed that I had none and grumbled about how Cronus should have brought some since water was more necessary than most things. She wasn’t malicious about it at all, she just called him “a silly catfish.”

She didn’t stay long either, saying she was due to meet with Kurloz soon. She explained that they were doing their best to be inconspicuous about they’re coming and going, so they were typically not going to stay long.

Unfortunately, that did not leave much opportunity for discussions, but it gave me time to work on my written essays.

Porrim came by later closer to dawn to give me more clothes. She was the only troll I knew that could stand the sun, so she didn’t mind to come by so late. I, however, was exhausted and hurried her out so I could go to sleep.

Before she left, however, she questioned me as to when the last time I actually slept in sopor as I was trying to explain to her the importance a full day’s rest was in order to be able to function correctly.

The truth was was that I hadn’t since I escaped.

Naturally she turned on one heel and attempted to sidestep me in order to walk back in. I attempted to barricade her, but that did nothing due to her being taller and more agile than I was. She searched for the respiteblock on the second floor. I never went up there personally to avoid light from candles being seen from the windows. The hive was surrounded by trees, but you can never be too careful. I normally spent most of my time in the basement anyway, there weren’t windows there.

I stood in the middle of the livingblock for her to come back down, and when she did she looked satisfied, saying, “There is a recuperacoon up here, and before you start I’ll relocate it to the basement so you won’t have to worry about being seen, and I’m going to get some sopor so you can sleep properly. Have you even _slept_ without it?”

The answer was no, but I wasn’t about to tell her that.

“I have been sleeping adequately so there is no concern for that Porrim. I have enough fabric and snuggleplanes to keep me warm enough to sle-”

“I mean the sleep terrors Kanny, I knew you at least weren’t sleeping well based on the dark circles under your eyes and how tired you’ve been since I got here, but have you even been sleeping at all?” she interrupted, standing in front of me with her arms crossed across her chest.

When I didn’t answer, she introduced her palm to her face and sighed, “I’ll be back in less than an hour.”

Before I could protest she had left.

She returned as promised, but as for time I had no idea how long she had been gone seeing as I fell asleep sitting against the wall in the livingblock, much to my embarrassment.

She insisted that I did not help her seeing as I was pretty much asleep on my feet in moving the recuperacoon to the basement, but soon she had it in the basement and filled with sopor.

Naturally she tried to carry me over to shove me into it, but I managed to evade her and climb into it myself, insisting that I did not need her to coddle me.

I don’t need anyone to coddle me, I can take care of myself.

She insisted that I was stubborn with an eye roll before she left. I was asleep almost instantly and had the best sleep since I left my handlers’ hive.

Perigees later, I was sitting in the basement with two candles lit so I could write. Luckily I found several notebooks in the nutritionblock when I first got here along with many pens. Candles aren’t expensive, so I bought a lot at first. I ran out of them, but Mituna has brought me more.

It was still early in the evening so I had plenty of time to get some writing done before I had to leave to try and find work. It has been _perigees_ and I still could not find something that would allow me to work anonymously.

It was frustrating, so I was continuing my essay on workplace discrimination based on caste expectations at the current moment. I was elaborating on the topic of denial of anonymity in application and in employment. When I could concentrate long enough to write and not stare blankly at the page lost in thought.

I yawned, again. I was tired, as the now constant yawning would suggest, but I needed to go find employment. I woke up pretty early, sometime before the sun went down, and couldn’t sleep again.

I think I had been hungry or something and that’s why I had woken up. I had food yes, but I had to conserve it and after a while I just forget to eat things. After an ablution I went and lit my candles so I could work on my essays, all vague wondering about food forgotten.

I now look at my phone for the time to find it was, finally, almost 10. I had planned to head out into the nearby settlement at 10:30.

I trekked upstairs after putting together my things. As I threw my cloak over my shoulders and brought the hood up to cover my head, I heard a knock on the door. I froze and my head whipped around to stare at the door. Whoever knocked knocked again in a familiar pattern that told that it was one of my friends. I relaxed and walked toward the door, opening it.

Cronus stood in the doorway with a familiar cloak on, but with his hood pulled down. We weren’t in sight of anyone unless someone had been a really good tracker and followed him through the twisted forest. How I managed to find this little hive in the first place was by complete accident and I’m glad it happened.

“Cronus,” I said slowly. “You weren’t due until later tonight. What brings you early?”

He shook his head, “Had to get outta the hive early, my lusus was driving me crazy. Can I come in?”

“I was just about to leave to the nearby settlement. I still have to find work you know, as difficult as it is. The fact that potential employers waste opportunities with trolls by not allowing them anonymity of their blood colors is truly a flaw in how societ-”

“Kankri, let me in. First off I have supplies for you, two you can leave a little later it won’t kill you,” Cronus interrupted. “I know that it’s a flaw in how society works, you have told me before. It’s going to rain soon also, so I think you’ll want to wait.”

I sighed, rolled my eyes, and stepped out of the way to let him in. The last thing I wanted was to be caught out in the rain. I was already cold, I didn’t need to get sick from ice cold rain. It was almost the end of second autumn and the last thing I needed was getting sick right before second winter, where I was likely to get sick more often, as I had during first winter this sweep, and fourth winter last sweep. Also third winter.

Needless to say, the heating in this hive wasn’t the best and going out in the cold very often wasn’t very good for my health. Porrim also cautiously theorized that the reason why I get sick more often than everyone else may have to do with my abnormal blood color, much to my disappointment. Yes, I always had a low immune system, but not like this.

It had to do with the cold, I knew it did.

Cronus stepped in and shut the door, rolling his shoulders before kicking his shoes off next to the door, “It’s getting cold out there chief, how do you deal with your hive being this cold?”

I shrugged, “I have some thick snuggleplanes. I also have this cloak. All of those are made of wool so I should be fine.”

“If you say so,” he shrugged, pulling his cloak off and captchaloguing it, swapping it out for a cooler. He also had a bag strapped across his chest that wasn’t there before, so I presumed he pulled that out of his sylladex as well. “I’ve got food for ya’, and I got medication for you too and before you say anything we both know you’re going to get sick again so you’ll need it.”

I introduced my hand to my face, “You don’t know that, I have began to implement measures to prevent myself from getting sick such as keeping myself warm, drinking plenty of water, I’ve even began drinking some tea which satisfies the warmth and hydration. Along with that there are medicinal properties some theorize that are in tea that will also factor well into my health. In the event that these would fail I still have some medicine left over from my last ailment to at least care for myself until it would be deemed necessary to ask for aid.”

Cronus visibly rolled his eyes, set the cooler on the floor next to him, and crossed his arms, “Like I said, we both know it’s gonna happen and I saw your small stash of meds, it won’t last more than three nights.”

I shook my head, looking at the floor, before pulling my cloak off and captcheloguing it myself. I turned to glare at Cronus for his unnecessary concern to find he had an eyebrow raised and was looking questionably at me, as if he was confused. “What?” I growled.

His features turned into concern, “Kankri, you look sick now. You’re really pale, and have you lost weight or something? You’re skinnier than I remember and it’s only been, what, two weeks? You’re also shivering and don’t look like you’ve slept right in a sweep.”

It was my turn to give him a confused look, “I have no idea what you are talking about, I feel fine.”

“When was the last time you look at your reflection? You look seriously ill. You’re not coughing no, but you look like death.”

I finally noticed that I was shivering when I crossed my arms, “I am fine, your concern is not necessary.”

He shook his head and pulled a pretty decent sized hand mirror out of his sylladex (I would be more inclined to wonder why he had one in there if he were anyone else) and turned it around so instead of facing him, it was facing me.

Well, he wasn’t wrong about my face being pale. In fact, with how pale I was the dark circles under my eyes looked more prominent. My cheekbones were also more prominent than I remember them being also, and I was suddenly grateful that I hadn’t left the hive yet seeing as my eyes were becoming bloodshot. He wasn’t wrong about me not sleeping well either.

I looked back up at him after a moment, “I still feel fine.”

“But you look like you’re dying or somethin’ Kankri,” he put the mirror back in his sylladex and pulled the shoulder back over his head so he could set it down. “You need to eat something first, and then you’re going to sleep at least a little. Porrim would kill me if I left you like this.”

I lowered my head defensively and growled at him, “Are you insinuating that I am incapable of taking care of myself? I hope you realize that I am fully capable of maintaining myself without someone coddling m-”

“Kankri, when was the last time you ate anything? Or put a brush through your hair? I am not trying to cull you I promise I’m just trying to be a friend.”

“How do I know that? I escaped my handlers because I know I can take care of myself, but all of you seem to not believe the same. I appreciate what you all have done for me, but I do not need to be culled. I have been here all this time taking care of myself just fin-”

It was now Cronus’ turn to introduce his hand to his face, “Kankri we know, we all know. You can take care of yourself, we know. Just because you can care for yourself doesn’t mean you can’t accept help. We told ya’ this before, we’re your friends and we want to help, not coddle.”

He dropped his hand and looked at the ceiling for a moment before looking back down at me (curse his height) and sighing. I continued to glare at him and opened my mouth to speak as he started speaking, “You need some serious nutrition, trust me you’ll feel better. I won’t make it for you or anything, I’m just saying that you need ta’ eat somethin’.”

I was eyeing him suspiciously, but I knew he was right. I probably hadn’t eaten in a day or two if I was being honest.

Keeping my arms across my chest, I turned on one heel and marched toward the nutrition block. I was being a wriggler, but I didn’t care.

He started following me in there, but I turned and growled at him, “I’ve got it! It’s fine.”

Needless to say he stayed put.

After some fumbling around with the stove and actually cooking, I came back out with some seafood and some stale bread. I wasn’t a completely awful host, so as I walked back out I pointedly shoved a plate in front of his face and held it there until he took it.

“We aren’t eating up here I hope you know, I make a point to make sure this hive looks deserted on this floor,” I informed, still sounding only half as irritated as I felt. I flicked a light switch that turned out the single light that I had up here as we walked down into the basement.

I lit the candles again and sat on a pile of blankets I had pulled together in the middle of the room. I huffed and started taking small bites of the fish I had on my plate as Cronus sat across from me on the stone floor. He looked at me for a few moments before I narrowed my eyes at him so he would actually eat his food. He got the message, and began picking at it with his fork.

It was highly likely that he wasn’t used to such “low quality” food, but he didn’t say so. He ate it, slowly, but he ate it. I also ate mine just as slowly. It wasn’t that I wasn’t used to it, after half a sweep I was definitely used to it, it was that I knew that if I ate too fast my meal sac was going to reject it. It really must have been a few days.

After setting aside my plate and shooting the taller troll a one-eyed glare, I lifted my head and hissed, “Happy now?”

“Not if you’re gonna keep bein’ a stubborn prick about this.”

“I would much appreciate if you would stop backhandedly trying to cull me, it’s not going to work. I can see straight through your attempts of having ‘friendly intent’ to help me. I know the start of being culled and you’re walking right into tha-”

“Kankri, stop.” Cronus interrupted, setting his plate aside. “You don’t hafta’ believe me, but I’m not trying to do that. You know I’m above trying to coddle someone. Can’t find a quadrantmate by culling them, can’t keep any friends if you’re trying to coddle them them all the time either.”

He looked like he was going to say something else, but was eyeing me warily instead. I waved a hand at him, “Well? Finish what you were going to say.”

He sighed, lowering his head to stare at the floor, “I’m tryin’ to be genuine here alright? You’re my friend, you actually listen to me instead of just blowing me off, and you put up with me. I wouldn’t cull you, Porrim would be the more likely culprit of that.”

I nodded slowly and thought over his words. He _seemed_ to be being genuine. However, that could be deceiving considering that it was Cronus I was talking to.

It was curiosity that leaned my head to the side and raised an eyebrow at him, “You’re not waning pale for me correct?”

His head snapped up, most of his face violet, “What? No! ...Okay maybe a little bit.”

The already raised eyebrow inched it’s way higher as he coughed and spoke again averting his gaze, “Well… uh… I know you’re celibate and don’t do the whole quadrant thing, so I wasn’t expecting anything about it, I just want to help you… It’s like a natural instinct sorta’ thing.”

“You’re right, I don’t get into quadrants it would be breaking my vow of celibacy, but that does explain a few things and clears up your motives,” I sat up straighter. I was less concerned by his actions now that I knew that he had... purer intentions with them.

His face slowly returned to normal, and I wondered for a moment why he was acting so abnormal. Normally when he would be crushing on someone, no matter the quadrant, he was quick to let them know. He didn’t like being rejected however.

Realization hit me right then, he didn’t want to be rejected because he knew for certain I would not actually become his moirail, whether I wanted that to be the case or not. Which, unfortunately for him, I do not.

I sighed again and pinched the bridge of my nose, “I still insist that I am perfectly capable of caring for myself and I do feel perfectly fine. Cold, but fine.”

His face scrunched up in concern again instead of embarrassed, “If you’re cold…”

“Snuggleplanes, I know, I’m not a wriggler I know how to keep warm.”

“Or kill two squawkbeasts with one stone and just get in the ‘coon and sleep? If you tell me that your recuperacoon isn’t warm I will drag you back to my hive so you can sleep in mine,” he was practically growling at the end with his eyes narrowed.

I waved a hand at him to dismiss his needless concern, “It’s fine Cronus, it’s plenty warm. The question being is whether or not I’ll actually stay asleep.”

Cronus went from looking protective to puzzled, “Why haven’t you been sleeping do-”

I narrowed my eyes at him again, “Do not finish that sentence. I haven’t been sleeping well likely because of the lack of nutrition in my system and also likely because yes it is cold here, despite my recuperacoon being warm even for my body temperature I will likely rightfully assume that of someone with a Royal-V blood type it would be colder than lukewarm at best-”

“Kankri, I know the whole body temperature difference and how it relates to outside temperature tolerance, you have told me it before on top of me having lived with other trolls of varying blood colors for my entire 6 sweeps of existence,” he rolled his eyes. “The point I’m going to make now is that you should turn up the heat on your ‘coon otherwise you’re never going to get any restful sleep. I figure you’ve been getting day terrors despite the sopor?”

I gritted my teeth and looked away, not answering.

“Thought so, now if you don’t adjust it _I’ll_ adjust it blindly since I don’t know what would be considered warm for your body heat.”

I whipped my head around to glare at him again, “I’ll get it, it’s fine.”

Getting up, I walked over and messed with the settings so the sopor would warm up a little. Turning around, I shot Cronus a pointed look, “I’ve been keeping it down to conserve energy you know, it’s everyone’s business to conserve energy and to keep pollution to a minimum of course, but I’ve been trying to conserve as much as possible to keep the generator that Mituna brought functioning.”

He nodded, “I figured, but you use pretty much no energy and it can power more than this so I think you’ll be fine.”

I shrugged, “I will reiterate-”

He pushed his hands outward, “No, no, no I understood what you meant!”

I sighed and waved a hand at him, “I turned it up, it should warm up in a little while.”

Cronus dropped his hands and sighed, sounding almost relieved, “Good, you’re still cold right now though right? You’re still shaking.”

I closed my hands into fists to try to still them, but it didn’t work so I crossed my arms instead. He was right, I was freezing.

I walked back over to the blanket pile, frowning, before letting myself drop into it and wrap a thick, wool snuggleplane over my shoulders and around my torso. I wouldn’t have said it out loud, but it was so warm and I was pretty grateful that I was wrapped up in it.

I glared at the floor for a few minutes before looking up Cronus watching me warily, as if I’ll flip out or something at a moments notice. I raised an eyebrow at him, “What?”

“You still need rest Kankri…”

I sighed irritably and rubbed at my temple with one hand, “I get it Cronus, I need to take better care of myself. However, I can do that on my own without anyone trying to do that for me or without them telling me what I need to do. Despite your pale leanings it is still dangerously approaching culling territory and-”

“I have already said that I’m not trying to cull you!” he spat, exasperated.

I narrowed my eyes at him before he continued in a softer tone, “I’m tryin’ to be a friend Kankri, and if you don’t want me to then I can leave but you can’t say that no one ever tried to help you. Our little group that brings you supplies and stuff? We’re trying our best to help you out.”

I waited for a second before sighing, “I know, and I appreciate it until you all begin to coddle me.”

“Are you going to let me help you then if I don’t hit that territory?”

“....if you don’t even approach that territory then yes.”

His eyes seemed to light up a little and I sighed again, continuing to rub at my temple. He hesitated before getting up and bringing the plates upstairs. Momentarily he came back with a bottle of water and handed it to me. I nodded slowly and drank it in less than five minutes. After that we sat and talked about random things for awhile.

Slowly but surely I started feeling myself nod off sitting up. However, I was hesitant to sleep due to the lack of restful sleep I had been having, and also because it was only, what, two in the morning?

“Kankri, you’re yawning every couple breaths I think you need ta’ go to sleep,” Cronus hummed. “You might want to consider not sleeping in the pile of snuggleplanes though.”

I rolled my eyes before yawning again, I rubbed at one of my eyes and checked the time again. It was roughly 2:15AM. “I typically don’t go to sleep until closer to sunrise, around six on average. Going to sleep four hours before I normally would most likely will throw off my circadian rhythm and will make it more difficult to get more rest in the future. I will likely wake up too early to do anything productive due to the sun still being visible and quite likely damaging to any troll caught in it’s light.”

“With how little sleep you’ve been getting doll, you’ll probably sleep later than normal trolls do.”

“I have already told you not to call me that, I am not your pet, and I would have hoped that by now that you would have learned that I am a normal troll just like everyone else-”

He threw up his hands, “I was not tryin’ to say that you aren’t! I’m just saying that the average troll wakes up around dusk, you’d probably sleep later than that considering the amount of sleep you’ve been getting!”

I eyed him suspiciously for a few moments before decided that he was probably right and I would sleep like the dead for quite awhile.

Sighing, and promptly yawning, I wobbly stood up, “I’ll sleep, however I do not think I would want you here while I was asleep.”

“I didn’t think you would, I’ll head back to my hive then. I think it may have stopped raining, but that makes no difference to me,” he concluded, shrugging.

I nodded slowly and we walked back upstairs. As he turned to leave I spoke up again, “I did appreciate your company tonight, even if your actions were questionable.”

He snorted, “Just don’t let me find you in that state again, Porrim would have my head if I didn’t make sure you’d keep sight of your well being.”

I rolled my eyes, “Good morning Cronus, I’ll talk to you tomorrow night.”

He laughed, “Good morning Kankri.”

I latched all three locks on the door after he left and within five minutes I had climbed into the ‘coon and fell asleep.

The last few moments before unconsciousness I let myself feel happy about the night, even if I had been difficult about it.


End file.
